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When he was little my brother burst into tears when my parents said they were taking him to the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this park to see the tufted ducks When I was a kid I used to think a yearly salary was paid once a year, like one lump sum you had to eek out all year til next payday I thought Kimberly Clark and Armitage Shanks were real people and only they made toilet roll and sinks, by themselves When I was a kid we lived by the local salt store (big dome full of salt for de-icing roads), for ages and ages I thought it was holding table salt and baffled my parents when I asked where the pepper was. I thought a bumble bee was just a cute name for bees. Like a bunny rabbit. Had no idea they were a whole separate type of bee to honey bees. ….now as a 50+ adult, knowing it’s not the case, whenever I hear thunder, part of me still thinks clouds colliding is the cause. It’s a shockwave. Air expands when it gets hotter and when lightning strikes, it heats up the air thousands of degrees instantaneously, so it forms a shockwave (similar to a jet breaking the sound barrier and creating a sonic boom), thus you hear the noise. I remember watching a chat show and one of the guests said they have just come from filming it, this was in October or November. Blew it open.
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For some reason my parents let me watch the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this TV show, which (along with the road signs) absolutely scared the shit out of me. [for some reason I was also allowed to watch Alien. And I watched Threads with my Dad!!! Guaranteed childhood trauma and sleepless nights worrying about nuclear war for years!] Only recently found out that black ice is not the dirty slurry you find in the kerbs, but see through ice you cannot see on the road. They should make that clear. I didn’t find out seahorses were real until I was 21 and saw some in an aquarium. I thought they were mythical creatures and still have a hard time accepting it Told my younger sister that donner meat was elephant skin. Didnt stop her eating it. Finally told her the truth when she had her own baby. Thanks to my grandad I used to think gremlins lived in the street lights and they’d turn them on and off. If a light was off when it was meant to be on or vice versa my grandad would tell me it’s because the gremlin was on holiday and forgot to get someone to cover for them. The Lampies coming out a few years afterwards did not help me out there. I figured if they made a show where little people lived in lamps then my grandad had to be right. When I mentioned it to my dad & uncle they laughed because they’d been told the same thing as kids as well. If he were still alive I can guarantee he’d be telling the same story to my son when he’s older. “The body found in the bushes as been named as …” on the news. That the police gave new names to dead bodies.
I thought when people got to like 60, everyone got like an old lady/man name, so you just went from one day, your name was Louise or Jamie, then the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this next day it was Norma or Herbert. As a kid I thought people mentioned on the news as the “late….” were actually late and were being called out nationally as a punishment. Wasn’t until I was about 12 or 13 that I learnt it meant they were dead. I thought you had to swap houses with the person you’d bought the house from, like where else would they live if they hadn’t just bought our old house on the same day? If anyone is interested you can see this appliance (used in London’s Burning in the early 90s) at the Walthamstow Pumphouse Museum So my dad lost his pinky toe on the right foot when he was a kid. Incident with an axe, and his mum made him have dinner and wash up before going to the hospital, so no chance of re-attachment. Anyway, when I was small, he’d magically make his toe disappear and reappear. I was apparently too young to realise he’d just, you know, crossed his legs. I couldn’t tell the difference between left and right. I’m not sure how old I was when I finally twigged, but it was long enough to become a family joke. Ponies do not in fact grow up to be horses. I wasn’t disappointed to learn this was untrue, but I was genuinely surprised that I’d made it well into my thirties before realising. Because of the way it’s shown on tv, I thought footballers were all little people. Over the years, I forgot that I had thought that until a certain Father Ted episode aired. I didn’t know whether to feel sympathetic or horrified that I had once ‘been’ Dougal!



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Found out 12 years later, at the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this age 17 that the boat my grandad pointed to and told me was his when we were in Ibiza, was in fact not his, it was actually a yacht with two helipads, and belonged to Abramovich. On a signpost that (for example) said ‘Manchester 2’ it was the 2nd Manchester, like they’d run out of place names That the black market wasn’t a real place. Was so excited as a kid growing up to go to the black market and see all the organs on ice and the guns for sale and drugs. One of the signs of ageing in ladies was that your hair turned curly, but not in gents for some reason. All old ladies have curly hair. I spent the first 16 years of my life thinking we drove past a martial arts shop on the way to school. It was only post-16 on the bus to college that I clocked it was a Marital Aids store. Which explained the lack of a window display and general shady appearance. I believed, and was told by many many teachers, that camels stored water in their humps. Completely baffled and devastated me when I found out that it wasn’t true. I never properly thought it through but as a child I thought anyone could write a cheque for however much they wanted to pay for something, everybody just had the one book of them and had to make it last. I wasn’t really disappointed, more relieved, but when I was a precocious little shit my dad would tell me if he unscrewed my belly-button my bum would fall off.
He’d chase me around with a small posi-drive screwdriver whenever I was naughty, and I’d screech in terror as I fled before him. There was a rumour in my junior school that sexual intercourse was something that happened pretty much exclusively between French people in swimming pools. In our defence, this was the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this 1980s and sex education was virtually non-existent. When I was a kid (also in the 80s) I thought to conceive a baby you had to go into hospital and I decided I wouldn’t want to do that because a nurse might see my bum. My granny had a mat with all the US presidents on it. She told me they were her boyfriends from the past and I always wondered which one was my grandfather (he was never around when I was born). I was in my teens when I realised this was untrue. Obviously gutted. God bless my granny.
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My uncle Dennis worked for fire service in Co. Cork when I was a child. When visiting family he would take us to the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this station – we slid down the poles and sat in the cans and genuinely were spoiled rotten – I swear to this day the engines were not misnamed. Honestly believed they were named for uncle Dennis and a tiny part of me still believes RIP uncle Dennis – legend that you were xx Nobody else believes me when I tell them this but Childrens BBC used to have a ‘fact of the day’ and one time they said “Your intestines are so long if you stretched them out they would reach to the moon” and I believed that til I was 25 years old and quoted it as an interesting fact amongst a group of friends at university who just ridiculed me for years.
That “Monkeys Blood” served on Ice Cream from a van… Wasn’t made from Chimps placed into a pneumatic press and squished into a bottle. When I was a kid, my Dad used to use a derogatory term towards ‘dopey people’ – ‘He’s got a peanut for a brain’… I truly thought people with low intelligence had just that.. NB I WAS JUST A CHILD!! As a kid I thought bin men had the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this best job ever, as they only worked one day a week. Reality was broken when I saw them on a different day across town. Coming from a non-English speaking country, we all thought when we were kids that in the cartoon Tom&Jerry, the name of the cat is Tomandjerry (as one name), so we were always demanding to watch the cartoon with Tomandjerry AND THE MOUSE! It was quite common in our country hahahaha
In the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this song, ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ I thought that ‘sealing wax’ was ‘ceiling wax’. You know, a sort of wax that drips from the ceiling. When I was a kid he told me his Royal Navy ship forced a German U-Boat to resurface. Then the U-Boat Captain opened up the hatch and stood on the conning tower having a shootout with my grandfather. He told me the German Captain shot him in his ear with his Luger. I don’t know how long I believed this for, but I have a distinct memory of believing it then learning it is not true. I heard about ‘night school’. And so I deduced that there was a parallel society that went to school at night, worked at night, slept during the day. It seemed to make sense for efficiency’s sake, so that things are utilized round the clock.
Fun Fact: the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this company that makes these are actually called Dennis Eagle they mostly manufacture refuse vehicles. As a child, before the movie came out, having only heard the title of the book, I thought Lord of the Rings was about boxing When I was little I used to think that trains went through the tube at the top of the Royal Albert Bridge (next to the Tamar bridge). No idea how I thought it got in or out, or how it would fit. This is the bridge, this picture partly explains my logic! Turns out I wasn’t the only one when I got much older and found a whole Facebook group of people who thought the same! As a young child I thought firework shows involved people being strapped to giant rockets and firing them to oblivion, otherwise the pyrotechnics wouldn’t look as good My dad told me once that “The Borrowers” were normal people who got their head stuck in a vacuum cleaner, and that made them small When me and my siblings were kids, our dad told us that Colonel Sanders was once kidnapped and tortured for the KFC recipe and he never gave it up. We believed him for about 20 years I was in my 20s when I learned Haggis weren’t actually little hairy pig nosed creatures with one leg shorter than other so they were good at running on mountains. And that you’d need to chase them to the top or bottom of the hill to make them fall over and go around in circles so they’re easier to catch.
I remember my grandma at the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this end of a meal in a restaurant announcing she was going to “pay for it”. I remember being very upset because this was the thing baddies on cartoons would say to the goodies as a threat. I thought only buses stopped to let you cross the road. Turns out we were using zebra crossings, and there were clearly more buses in the past. I was born 25 June so my half birthday falls on Christmas Day. For some reason when I was a child, I didn’t quite grasp the concept of “half” and just assumed everyone’s half birthday (including my friend whose birthday was 19 December!!) was on Christmas Day. Not my cleverest moment. Turns out my parents lied to me to stop me from worrying about contracting it, and didn’t tell me until I was like- 12
That software developers knew what they where doing for the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this most part … turns out they’re winging it 90% of the time .. but their fuckups make my day bad, while mine have no impact on them .. till the next sprint … I think almost everyone in every line of work is winging it. Some people just get ridiculously overpaid for it! Until the twilight of my single digits, I believed we were stuck in traffic gams. I now understand the aforementioned to be a collective noun for whales. the brain and its function were sexed. like the idea that men and women have differant functioning brains. turns out they don’t, those differences we see are more to do with socialisation into gender roles from birth. wild shit.
I used to think the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this little cone thing you could spin under the traffic light button made the green man come up faster. When I was very young, I did think everyones lived to 100 and then died of old age. Like it was not possible to live beyond 100, you either died before or at 100. As a 4 year old, I thought the price of something was determined by how many coins fit around it. Bigger things always cost more. I was quite sad and also very embarrassed realising I had to apologise to a lot of people when I discovered nonce did not mean idiot…. I used to think the illness TB short for Tuberculosis was actually called TV and was only caught from watching too much TV. I think my parents heard me mispronounce it incorrectly and thought they could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, using it as a precautionary tale and also not having to explain the horrendousness of TB to a 5 year old That Dennis seen on vehicles had something to do with Dennis the menace. No idea what it was but I was going to find out. When I was about 5 yrs old I didn’t understand evolution properly – I thought my great aunt was so old she used to be a monkey. When I was younger, I used to bug my dad to not forget to tip the bin man at Christmas because I thought he’d spill the contents on the doorstep! (Thanks Lonnie Donnigan for that one!)
When my wife and I started dating 15 years ago I told her the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this old Bill Bailey joke about Little Chef restaurants being there before the roads, and the motorways were built to link them up. I thought TA stood for The Army, my ex-forces Dad explained with pure disappointment that it was in fact Territorial Army I was told this when younger and believed it for, probably too long, but I guess my parents were trying to protect me from hearing about emergencies or something? I dunno My mum told me when I just moved to Northern Ireland, I was 6 , that Belfast Castle was Mickey Mouses castle.. I sadly found out it wasn’t on a secondary school bus trip. I loudly shouted “aww look Micky’s castle” much to my excitement pointing it out first, needless to say Iv never lived that one down.
My sister (when she was 18) said “I don’t know why they build beaches in the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this UK where it’s cold”. My mum and I just looked at each other with disbelief Can’t think of one for myself just now, so I’ll give you my dad’s proudest moment when he tricked my nephew for a good 10-15mins. We were at McDonald’s, and my dad convinced my nephew that the bit where your receipt comes out on the self-service machine was actually where the chips came out. He stood there with his hands cupped for what felt like ages waiting on his chips while my dad is absolutely knotting himself. He came back to the table at one point saying its not working but quickly ran back over after he told him he’s not waited long enough and to quickly go back before he misses them. Major stroke later and its one of the things he still remembers and laughs about much to my nephews embarrassment. God help that poor boy when he brings his 1st girlfriend home haha
I used to wonder why there were so many sugaries. I thought these places were all making sugar. Turns out they were surgeries. I thought saving money for a rainy day meant saving money for an inside activity like bowling or cinema, because you couldn’t enjoy the World Series 2024 National Champions Los Angeles Dodgers Team Player Shirt moreover I will buy this outdoors. Until I was about 15 I Thought “Reggae” were a band. I must have a listen to “Reggae hits” or “Reggae greats” I thought… never heard of them. The kicker was, in my mind I was reading it as “Reggie” . Who the fuck is this Reggie bloke/ band. Ffs Turns out that whole Trojan horse fandango didn’t happen, I was in my thirties and I was more than slightly disappointed. 🙁 When I was a child, I thought the police could do anything. But as I grew into an adult, I realized that wasn’t the case. However, getting a bit older, I came to understand that my childhood belief was correct: they can indeed do whatever they want. When my grab sprayer hair lacquer I thought she was saying hair lager and always wondered why she would do that. I believed that “sugar free” on a packet, meant that you got sugar free with your purchase. Then wondered why the lady on the till didn’t hand over a free pack of silver spoon when I bought my chewing gum. I always thought as a kid it was ‘prick stick’ not ‘pritt stick’ and I don’t know why my teachers never said anything
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| Size | Length | Chest |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28in | 18in |
| M | 29in | 20in |
| L | 30in | 22in |
| XL | 31in | 24in |
| 2XL | 32in | 26in |
| 3XL | 33in | 28in |
| 4XL | 34in | 30in |
| 5XL | 35in | 32in |
| Size | Length | Chest |
|---|---|---|
| S | 25in | 16in |
| M | 26in | 17in |
| L | 26.5in | 18in |
| XL | 27in | 19.7in |
| 2XL | 27.9in | 21.6in |
| 3XL | 28.5in | 22.7in |
| Size | Length | Chest |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28in | 18in |
| M | 29in | 20in |
| L | 30in | 22in |
| XL | 31in | 24in |
| 2XL | 32in | 26in |
| 3XL | 33in | 28in |
| Size | Length | Chest | Sleeve |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 26in | 20in | 33.5in |
| M | 27in | 22in | 34.5in |
| L | 28in | 24in | 35.5in |
| XL | 29in | 26in | 36.5in |
| 2XL | 30in | 28in | 37.5in |
| 3XL | 31in | 30in | 38.5in |
| 4XL | 32in | 32in | 38.5in |
| 3XL | 34in | 33in | 38.5in |
| Size | Length | Chest |
|---|---|---|
| S | 27in | 18in |
| M | 28in | 20in |
| L | 29in | 22in |
| XL | 30in | 24in |
| 2XL | 31in | 26in |
| Size | Length | Chest | Sleeve |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 28in | 18in | 33.5in |
| M | 29in | 20in | 35in |
| L | 30in | 23in | 36.5in |
| XL | 31in | 24in | 38in |
| 2XL | 32in | 26in | 39.5in |
| 3XL | 33in | 28in | 39.5in |
| Size | Length | Chest | Sleeve |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 27in | 20in | 34.5in |
| M | 28in | 22in | 35.5in |
| L | 29in | 24in | 36.5in |
| XL | 30in | 26in | 37.5in |
| 2XL | 31in | 28in | 38.5in |
| 3XL | 32in | 30in | 39in |
| 4XL | 33in | 32in | 39.5in |
| 5XL | 34in | 34in | 40in |
| Size | Youth Size | Length | Chest |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 6-8 | 20.5in | 16in |
| M | 10-12 | 22in | 17in |
| L | 14-16 | 23.5in | 18in |
| XL | 18-20 | 25in | 19in |
| Size | Youth Size | Length | Chest |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 6-8 | 21in | 17in |
| M | 10-12 | 22.5in | 18in |
| L | 14-16 | 24in | 19in |
| XL | 18-20 | 25.5in | 20in |
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