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Also on Wednesday, Eric Trump’s wife, Lara, gave a speech in which she thanked Donald Trump for putting her in charge of his 2016 campaign in her native North Carolina, even though she had zero political experience, and then – true to her current job as a frequent contributor to Fox News (another extension of Trumpworld) – she warned of the I Like Loud Pipes And I Cannot Lie Motorcycle Shirt but I will buy this shirt and I will love this armageddon to come if her father-in-law was not re-elected. “This is not just a choice between Republican and Democrat or left and right,” she said. “This is an election that will decide if we keep America America, or if we head down an uncharted frightening path towards socialism.” (She also managed to misquote Abraham Lincoln, launching dozens of memes.) But perhaps the most amusing part of her speech was when she talked about being welcomed by Donald into the Trump family and how much it reminded of her own. It immediately brought to mind Mary Trump’s book about her uncle, where she quotes him as saying, “Lara, there. I barely even knew who the fuck she was, honestly, but then she gave a great speech during the campaign in Georgia supporting me.”

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Thursday was Ivanka Trump night, chosen to introduce her father in a prime time speech that she kicked off by smiling robotically and stating, “Tonight, I stand before you as the I Like Loud Pipes And I Cannot Lie Motorcycle Shirt but I will buy this shirt and I will love this proud daughter of the people’s president.” (I wonder how the families of the more than 180,000 Americans who have died of coronavirus so far feel about ”the people’s president.”) Ivanka is thought of as the woke feminist in Trumpworld because her father lets her give speeches and form meaningless initiatives. But she’s not actually given any real power. Ivanka is a straw man created to give the appearance of feminism. She checks a diversity box, like Ben Carson, the only Black member of the Trump cabinet. But ultimately, she’s the fancy housewife allowed to take a symbolic job.